Indecent Eggsposure

In honor of the upcoming Easter holiday, I thought I'd share a friendly tale of college, social norms, and boiled eggs.

Certain foods are just not meant for public enjoyment. Sardines. Potently stinky cheeses. And boiled eggs. Though an old classmate of mine never received that memo.

Boiled eggs…It seems to me that this one is obvious. Firstly, I was under the impression that most people who enjoy an occasional boiled egg do so in the confines of their own home so others aren't subjected to the, well, embarrassing stench. Anything that subjects your classmates to unavoidable awkward smells and sounds is better left at home.

Between her regular classroom egg consumption and an inability to quietly slip into class when she was 20 minutes late every day, this classmate of mine proved to be the bane of my Gender and Communication class. She would arrive to class 15-30 minutes late every day with somewhere between 3 and 7 bags/purses in tow. Backpack. Fake Chanel purse. Hot pink laptop bag. Massive coffee or Red Bull in one hand and stinky, inappropriate snack in the other.

Her arrival to class proved to be an ordeal each day. Panting, red-faced, she'd proceed to take 10 minutes to situate herself. Red Bull or coffee was placed on the desk first, then snack. She would then drop her purse, often spilling some of its contents onto the floor. Laptop bag would drop next, then she'd allow the backpack to slide off her shoulders into a loud heap on the floor. She would then rearrange her bags, dig out her laptop, and reapply her makeup. All of this was only mildly annoying until she showed up with boiled eggs instead of her typical stinky burrito wrapped in a lime-green tortilla.

A few problems with this situation: #1 The eggs were from the al a carte area in the student building. These eggs were pre-boiled and peeled and waiting in a baggy in a fridge. Who knows who peeled them, put them in the baggy, and how long they'd been there… #2 After sitting in a baggy all morning, the eggs appeared to be quite slippery, which can be a problem when you're eating them in class. #3 In case I didn't make this point clear enough: Boiled eggs stink!

So each day, after situating herself and reapplying her makeup, she'd peel open the baggy and pull out a slimy egg to enjoy during class. She'd leave one egg in the bag and place that on top of her backpack to stare at me through the remainder of class. I found it increasingly difficult to concentrate. The thought of her sitting in front of me with a slimy boiled egg in her hands, fighting not to drop it on her desk, made me sick. The class would be discussing gender roles and all I could think was, "Is anyone else seeing/smelling this? And why won't she put the remaining egg into her backpack so I don't have to stare at it all day?"

It continued throughout the semester. I don't know what made her switch from room-temperature burritos to said eggs, but I lamented the days that she would messily eat the mildly stinky burritos. And the worst, her grubby egg-soiled hands would then hand me back papers. Sick.

Maybe I’m a super jerk. Maybe public consumption of boiled eggs isn’t that big of a deal. But, I dare say that it is a big deal.